Sexual Citizenship 101
Take the Quiz
What is ‘Enthusiastic Consent’?
Kissing & touching you back.
‘Maybe later’.
‘I like it like that.’
‘Yes’ from someone too wasted to consent.
Silence or no response at all.
Moans of pleasure from the beginning, middle & end.
Answer: 1,3,6.
2. Can a woman can commit rape in England & Wales?
Yes
No
Not sure.
Answer: 2
The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) rape laws state that a woman cannot commit rape in England & Wales because the law requires that the perpetrator has a penis.
3. What’s the difference between Sexual Assault & Sexual Harassment?
Sexual Harassment is when someone carresses me without my permission.
Sexual Assault is when someone uses an object or body part & touches me without my consent.
If a stranger smacks my bum at the pub, that’s Sexual Harassment.
I was followed home from the train & they catcalled me the entire time. That’s Sexual Harassment.
Answer: 2 & 4
Sexual Harassment is any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes someone feel frightened, threatened or humiliated through verbal, visual or musical means including persistently asking for sexts; staring; pestering; cat-calling; wolf-whistling, etc,. Sexual assault is when someone touches you sexually without your permission, with an object or body part.
4. “Want to come back to mine?” What does that mean to you?
‘We’re just going to have a drink & a chat, & we’ll see what happens.’
2. ‘It’s in the bag.’
3. They’re leading you on by going back to your place.
Answer: 1.
If you go back to his, hers or theirs, it doesn’t automatically mean full-on sex. a kiss or a cuddle. Assumption is the mother of many mess-ups. If you’re both on the same page, hoping for a home run rather than to run home, communicate what you feel comfortable in doing sexually. Openly discussing what you like builds intimacy , trust & is very sexy.
Six words, for me anyhow, sum up sex education: “Mutual Respect, Mutual Consent & Mutual Pleasure”. Agree to mutually respect each other & give consent to avoid any confusion or false expectations. Don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. For safety’s sake, always tell a friend where you are & who you’re with. Maybe send them a pic if it's a hook up with someone new. Remember, sex without consent is sexual assault or rape.
5. Sexual Coercion is:
Trying to convince someone to do something sexual who’s already said ‘No’.
Consent.
Only if physical force is used.
When a person pesters, manipulates or threatens you to do something sexual.
Answer: 1 & 4.
Sexual Coercion is when a person verbally pressures, manipulates, threatens, gaslights, irritates another person who’s rejected their sexual advances. Sometimes, people sleep with someone just to calm down the situation. Research shows this can result in lower self-esteem, depression, & anxiety.
6. Can I say ‘Stop’ at any time during sex despite having initiated it?
Yes.
No.
Not Sure.
Answer: 1
Absolutely. Everyone has complete agency over their bodies.
Say you’re tipsy, flirtatious & kissing someone or some people all night. Say you're showing some skin or wearing tight jeans leaving nothing to the imagination. Say you’re wearing a bikini or board shorts dancing atop a piano. None of these things indicate in any way that you are up for it. The only way to communicate this is by verbal consent or by enthusiastic body language. you can say No & Stop at any time. Be it at the beginning, during or before climax. Think of ‘Mutual Respect, Mutual Consent & Mutual Pleasure’ as a sexy contract between two people (maybe 3?) before getting it on.
7. Raincoats, Rubbers & Johnnies
1. Always. Condoms are the best way to avoid catching an STIs & preventing unwanted pregnancies.
2. Sometimes. Rubbers kinda suck.
3. Never. Rubbers are too uncomfortable.
Answer: 1 is the safest option!
Did you know STIs are up 26.5% since 2021? Young people aged 15-24 are most likely to be diagnosed with the most common types of STIs, including Gonorrhoea, Chlamydia & Herpes.
8. I’m not comfortable with some of the things my partner pressures me to do in bed. Sometimes it hurts, but I’m too scared to say anything.
I will stick it out & maybe learn to enjoy it. At the end of the day, I don’t want to on my own.
I should initiate an open, honest conversation about how I’m feeling. Maybe describe what I enjoy & what I’m not into & ask them to weigh in on the same. It may bring us closer.
I feel guilty at time if I don’t perform sexually & meet my partner’s expectations.
Answer: 2
In a healthy relationship, both partners need to feel comfortable with the level of intimacy, be it holding hands, kissing, having sex or sharing secret fantasies. Giving & receiving consent is an ongoing process. If you’re too afraid to say ‘No’, then it’s not consensual sexual activity. If you’re being manipulated, pressured, threatened or unable to give consent due to alcohol or drugs, then it is not consensual sexual activity.
9. Is Ghosting ever OK?
1. Never.
2. It depends.
3. Yes, It’s easier than having to tell them to their face you aren’t into them.
Answer: 2 It depends!
Ghosting is when someone suddenly completely cuts off contact with a romantic interest with either online or IRL without any explanation. Psychologists suggest honesty is the best policy, but ghosting is acceptable if there’s a safety or aggression issue. Consider telling the person that options are Psychology of Ghosting
10. Would I know What to do if I was a victim of sexual assault or rape?
1. Don’t tell anyone.
2. Call the Police.
3. Shower or bathe so you feel clean.
4. If you need to pee, pee into a container.
5. Delete all social media communications between yourself & the perpetrator.
6. Brush your teeth.
7. Go to Hospital, Rape Crisis centre or a SARC unit
Answer: 2, 4 & 7 are the only potentially correct answers.
If you’re ever a victim of rape or sexual assault, do not blame yourself. If you did not say ‘Yes,’ then whatever happened leading up to the crime is no relevant. Non-consensual sex is a sex crime.
Call someone you trust to support you. Don’t bathe or shower, wash your clothes or throw them away as this could provide DNA evidence. Don’t brush your teeth or go to the loo. If you do pee, pee into a container & give this to the health professionals. Go to hospital for the physical & emotional care you deserve. If you do not go to the hospital, please visit a Rape Crisis or SARC (sexual assault referral centre) as soon as possible. After you are examined, you can report the crime to the police or seek advice from a counsellor at one of the centres. Rape Crisis Advice